ambivalence

by David Loti

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1.
Good Year 03:28
A subtle expectancy Came for free This time we celebrated Another successful trip Of the earth around the sun And I cannot exactly define What I have in mind Which will make this year Desirable compared to the One we left behind She asked “How was New Year’s Eve?” And I turned and smiled responsively Cause this year started differently, I already could tell And I do not particularly Subscribe to these philosophies That each New Year’s Comes with a clean slate Cause life doesn’t always Work that way But I think it’s gonna be a good year This time I hope it’s gonna be a good year In my mind Nothing has changed that I know But I know things constantly go On behind the scenes Which I will never know Cause I’m too close to witness Each minute growth Nothing has changed that I know But I know things constantly go On behind the scenes Which I will never know And Hope that is certain Is certainly not Hope Hope. ©2006 David Loti
2.
Hope's Song 04:24
I do not understand what I do For what I want to do I do not do But what I hate I do. But there is light in the end For those who believe. He who began a good work in you Will carry it on to the end. I do believe. Help me overcome my unbelief. All have fallen short of You. All have turned and walked away. But You came in love anyway. While we wandered aimlessly, Trapped in sin so hopelessly, You died for our sake. ©2004 David Loti.
3.
Catharsis 03:42
Life is strange these days. I feel out of place Waiting for something to change. Breathe in; breathe out. Is this numbness all life’s about? The days will turn into postcard memories. I just need to cry. Some times what can seem The most restrictive thing Is freedom and all choices it brings. How can it be where relationally Everything was perfect The Supreme would decree “It is not good for man to be alone”?!? Some times you just need A sad song to sing. The fact that I couldn’t cry Was the saddest thing to me, But it’s all gonna be ok. ©2005 David Loti.
4.
Another lonely day; another emo song Finds it way through this guitar. I sit here and I wait in daylight’s denouement (Darkness deserving its own shining star.) Another emo day; another lonely song Finds its way through the voice of my heart. I sit here and I think of the Great Design, And I wonder what part my smallness can play. I’m not asking for the world, But it sure would be nice To have someone in this world Wishing I were there tonight. Another used up day gives way for an open night Which will soon be over like life’s short song. The Purpose is so great; I’m proud to play a part, But I’m tired of feeling so alone. Something’s just not right tonight. ©2004 David Loti.
5.
You are Always Good No matter how I feel. You are Always Good; This does not depend on me. You’re Always in Control Even if I cannot see You’re Always in Control; This does not depend on me. Love is Who You are. Love is What You do. Love is All I need. All I need is You. You are Always There When there’s pain and joy inside. You are Always There To bring my deaths Your Life. You are Always Love No matter how lost I am. You are Always Love: Offering out Your Guiding Hand. ©2005 David Loti.
6.
Sometimes you have to walk the hard road For a while Before you stop to realize It’s been a while Since you’ve seen someone you know Or a sign which says which way to go. So you just fall down exhausted from it all, and you cry a held up cry— admitting what you’ve known all along. I am who I am, and I may not be Who you want me to be. But I cannot be who I’m meant to be If you are the one I’m trying to please. Sometimes you have to walk the hard road; that’s just life. But won’t you stop to realize loneliness is a lie. You’ve heard it so frequently Now it’s all your heart can see, And each step’s a chore— Each one harder than the one before. And you know life’s got so much more So you finally shut the unhealthy door. ©2005 David Loti.

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released August 17, 2006

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David Loti Vancouver, British Columbia

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